See Life Through Laughter 4

Laughter is the purest meditation. When we encounter any problem, laugh first and the problem will go away. – SMCH

 

1. Leftovers

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Once a lady said to her waiter in a restaurant, “Would you bring a bag for me so that I can carry home the leftover food for my dog?” And then her six year old son said, “Oh, mommy, are we going to get a dog?”

 

2. What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic? 

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

and Panic is when both are pregnant.

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  1. I Understand

Inside the operating room, the patient was very nervous. He said to the doctor, “Doc., I’m so scared. It’s my first operation.” The doctor said, “Yes, yes, I understand exactly how you feel because it’s my first, too.”

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  1. Fire in My Kitchen

 

There was a person whose house was on fire. He was very, very panicked and urgently called the fire department, “Emergency, emergency, please, quickly, there’s a fire, there’s a fire! Come quickly and put out the fire!” Then the fire department chief asked him, “But where’s the fire? Where did the fire break out?” “It’s in my house,” he said, “very urgent! It’s in my house! Come quick!” “Yes, I know it’s in your house. But where?” He said, “It’s in my kitchen!” The fire department chief lost patience and said, “Listen, I know that! But how do I get to your house? Do you understand me? How do I get to your house?” And the man said, “Don’t you have cars?”

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5.

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There was a person who was a very, very, you know, kind of very terrible person, she used to lend money to everyone. She counted every penny.

And then one day, she was sick, and all the doctors already shook their heads, saying “There ‘s nothing we can do about it.” So she knew her time was up. So she called about fifty of her debtors to come next to her death bed, and then told a servant to bring all the papers, the IOU papers, in front of them and burned them all in front of them. And then one of the debtors was feeling very, kind of emotional and said, “Oh, madam, we have not paid you yet, how come you burned all the papers, the IOU papers.” And the madam, nearly dying, suddenly woke up, and looking them in the eyes, she said, “If I don’t burn all these, when I go down there (the underworld), how can I have any proof to get the money back from all of you?”

 

See Life Through Laughter 3

Laughter is the purest meditation. When we encounter any problem, laugh first and the problem will go away. – SMCH

 

1. No Ships

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There was a new navy recruit who reported to the navyheadquarters. He wrote down his names, and when everything was checked, the officer said, “Well, you are really very qualified, but can you swim?” The recruit was bewildered and asked the officer, “What? You don’t have any ships?” (laugher)2. Romantic Love

The man told his girlfriend, “I would go to the end of the world for you.

The woman replied, “But could you please stay there?”

3. The Making Of Ancestors

 

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     In one classroom, a teacher was explaining to the class that their ancestors were Adam and Eve. A little child raised his hand and said, “My father taught me differently.

     The teacher asked, “What?

    The little child answered, “My father said that our ancestors were monkeys.

And the teacher replied, “That’s your family’s business. It has nothing to do with us. (Laughter)

4. Lucky Dog


There was a couple whose dog had died, so they buried it in the dog cemetery and then went home. Neither of them said anything. But after a while, the husband put his arm around the wife’s shoulder and said: “I’m sorry darling. I know I haven’t been very good to it — thedog; but now that it has died, I feel kind of sorry. If you really feel very bad about it, I will consider getting another dog for you. But to be honest with you, I don’t love dogs. If it hadn’t been for my love for you, I wouldn’t have had that dog for one second.”

The wife turned around and looked at the husband: “What?! I thought it was your dog!”

When they moved in the new house, the dog moved in too, the day of their marriage. Both thought that the dog belonged to the other. So that was a lucky dog.

5. What is God’s Religion?

 

A black person went to a foreign country and wanted to rent an apartment to accommodate his family and himself. However, the landlord refused to rent the place to him because of his color. Most of the tenants there were white, or at least yellow or brown; he was black, so the landlord refused.

Frustrated, he complained, “God, I want to live in that apartment, but they discriminate. They asked me many difficult and unreasonable questions to keep me out. God, they really discriminate!”

God shook Hiers head and said, “I too dared not venture inside!”

The black person asked, ” What? Why didn’t You dare go into that apartment?”

God replied, “What if I went in and they asked me what my faith is, how would I answer them?” (Laughter and applause)

See Life Through Laughter 2

Laughter is the purest meditation. When we encounter any problem, laugh first and the problem will go away. – SMCH

1. A VERY CLEVER DOG

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There is a story called “The Clever Dog”. Once there was this family with a dog. One day they invited a guest to dinner. When the guest arrived, the dog did not say a word. It didn’t bark, nor bite. However, when the guest was having dinner with the family, the dog kept staring at him. It was also growling, not very loud, but it sounded very angry. It kept fixing its stare at the guest and growling at him nonstop. The guest was feeling very nervous. His heart was beating hard, and he kept looking back at the dog. The man and the dog were staring at each other, until the man could no longer stand it. He said to his host and the family, “Why, your dog looks so vicious!” Before the host could utter a reply, the little girl said, “I don’t think so! Normally it is not that violent! It is behaving like this because you are using his bowl!”

 

2. HE FEELING IS MUTUAL

There were two people who went  on a blind date. After a while, they were so bored. It was a very boring blind date. Suddenly a friend of his called him on the phone, so he stepped away from the table in the restaurant, went outside and talked with the friend for a while. After he came back, he said to his female blind date, “I’m sorry, my grandfather has died. I have to go.” So the woman, who was very understanding, said, ¨Oh, of course, of course! That’s very good because if your grandfather didn’t die, mine must die.”

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3. THE GENTLE DOG

There was a thief who went to a very out- standing looking mansion to steal something. Outside of the mansion, there was a sign with a picture of a dog’s head which said, “MEAN DOG INSIDE, PLEASE KEEP OUT!”

But the thief went inside and stole all the things he wanted. After he put them all in a bag and was on his way out, the thief added something under the sign. It said, “That dog was very gentle. Don’t misjudge it.”

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There was a newly wed couple, and the husband could not tolerate his wife. He quarreled with her every day until he came close to a nervous breakdown. He then rushed to see a doctor.

“What’s wrong?” asked the doctor.

“Ah! I have been quarreling with my wife too much,” the man responded. “Now I am weak in both body and mind. What shall I do?”

“You need to do some exercises! I suggest you buy yourself a track suit and jog about ten kilometers each day, then call me in a week or two.”

The man said, “Okay!” and left. That day, he bought a track suit and started jogging.

A week later, the man called the doctor and the doctor asked, “How are you doing physically? Are you feeling better?”

“Better, much better!” said the man.

Then the doctor inquired, “How is your wife treating you?”

“How would I know?” the man replied, “I’m already seventy kilometers away from home!”

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5. WHOSE SMELL

There was a couple that had a long marriage and no children, and perhaps they were a little bit lonely.  So, the wife said that she wanted a dog to keep her company, and the husband said: ” A dog? Am I not enough for you?” The wife said, “Oh yes, but it’s different.  I’m thinking of something lively.  You know, he can walk me to the shop, and things like that, while you’re not here.  I love you.  It’s just that a dog is different.  You aren’t comparing yourself to a dog, are you?”  So the husband said: “All right.  All right. But what will he eat?”  “Oh,” the wife said, “Whatever we eat, he can eat.  Dogs eat anything.  The husband asked, ” And then, where shall he stay?” And the wife replied, “He can stay in here with us, in the house.  Our house is big enough.” The husband was still very skeptical and reluctant and asked, ” But where will he sleep?”  The wife answered, ” He can sleep in bed with us.”  And so the husband asked, ” Well, how about the smell?” So the wife said, ” Well, if I can get used to it, so can he.”

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